Why Won't You Apologize?
Harriet Lerner has spent decades working with couples and families, and she opens the book by stating a finding that surprised her: almost no one knows how to apologize well. She lays out the structural elements of a real apology, what they must include, what they cannot do, and the common moves that quietly cancel the apology being made. Separate chapters cover apologies between partners, parents and adult children, siblings, and old friends, plus the harder case of receiving an apology you do not believe. Lerner writes in short chapters with composite cases drawn from her practice. The book is closer to a working guide than a theoretical treatise.
What you might want to know about Why Won't You Apologize?
The questions readers send us most often, answered without spoilers.
Psychologist Harriet Lerner breaks down what makes apologies work and why most of them, including the ones we offer, fall short.
Yes. Brown has repeatedly recommended Lerner's work and hosted her on Unlocking Us for an episode on how to apologize and why it matters.
Both. Lerner devotes separate chapters to partner, parent, sibling, and friendship apologies, plus how to receive one.
Why Won't You Apologize? was written by Harriet Lerner, published in 2017 by Touchstone.
Why Won't You Apologize? is 195 pages in standard print editions, though page counts vary slightly between hardcover, paperback, and large-print formats.
At an average reading pace of about 250 words per minute, Why Won't You Apologize? takes most readers 3 to 4 hours to finish.
Why Won't You Apologize? is available in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook formats from Amazon, Bookshop.org, ThriftBooks, and most major bookstores.
